Boss Battle Haikus

Image by Nick Derington

Learn to play the game

Think you're getting pretty good

Murdered by the boss

Bosses are your tests

See if you have learned enough

Failure is death

Bowser is a beast

Fire breath and spiky shell

Also throws hammers (?)

Fight him in the eighth

The other Bowsers were fakes

He's not much stronger

Phoenix Mother ship

One of the oldest bosses

Takes one hit to kill

Megaman is scared

Cooridor to Metal Man

Health is running low

Ganon is a bitch

A big invisible bitch

He is such a bitch

Zelda was so fun

Why'd they have to ruin it

Ganon is a bitch

Invisible boss

Teleports so you don't know

Where the hell's that bitch?

RPG bosses

Battle menus forever

Kind of a buzz kill

Monster stats are high

Hope I grinded enough times

One-hit kill a God

Seriously dude

You're not getting out of this

Just bite the bullet

Eggman is the shit

He puts himself in harm's way

Every other act

Eggmobile fly

Take us to another land

Just not labrynth zone

Made many machines

All designed to murder you

Kind of flattering

Smartest man alive

Can't defeat a blue hedgehog

No hope for humans

Traitorous Andross

Betrayed the Lylat System

Don't trust giant heads

He will suck you in

Creates a giant vacuum

Where are this guy's lungs?

Vomits rocks at you

Replenishing your ammo

He should cut that out

Shoot off both his hands

So he can't bitch slap your ship

This game is bizarre

Megaman just go

Metal Man isn't that hard

You are wasting time

Resident Evil

Tyrant is some scary shit

But he's slow as shit

Ultimate weapon

Perfect in every way

The heart doesn't count

Set free by Wesker

Thanks him by impaling him

Dead for realsies guys

Best game ever made

10 out of 10 in my eyes

Shitty final boss

Overthrow tyrants

Battle through rebellion

Politician boss

Breen tries to reason

He pleads for you to spare him

How is this a boss?

What the Hell happened?

The round didn't even start

Shao Kahn is a dick

I can't throw a punch

He's too fast and powerful

Couldn't even move

Stunlocked me again

His slide move is such bullshit

Eating my quarters

He can not be stopped

Is there any fight less fair?

Oh wait I forgot

I'm already done

Nobody can stop Tyson

Internal bleeding

Tyson is scary

He just wants to fornicate

Also dine on ears

I need to escape

I am afraid for my life

Boxing career done

Abobo hits hard

Formidable foe to fight

He fell in a hole

Megaman it's time

Go and face your darkest fears

I'm losing patience

You suck hard at this

Are you even hurting him?

Should have stayed back there

Fight a colossus

Then go fight a colossus

Never stop the fight

Climbing up his arm

To stab him in his places

Kind of a dick move

Do not be a dick

They didn't do anything

You're a murderer

Scary robot boss

Guilts you as she gasses you

Sociopath-bot

Glados tests your skills

Portal gun and survival

Take note Half-Life 2

Combat in a game

That you spend solving puzzles

Totally left field

Checking in on Rock

Running from Dragons in pink

Guess that's a step up

That's Mecha Hitler

You can fight Mecha Hitler

I am not joking

He has two phases

He can be armored or not

Still carries chain guns

Shoot him enough times

His big armor breaks off first

Then he fucking melts

Bosses have purpose

To test all of our training

Final challenges

Almost intimate

Under covers of levels

Reveal the boss

Discover who's there

Your final challenge at last

You fight your reward

The final trophy

One last journey to conquer

Such closure at last

A boss is your friend

He makes your games exciting

At his own expense

Appreciate them

A game needs that final fight

Ganon is a bitch

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